How I Used Psychology to Help My Younger Siblings Choose a Better Path

It’s common knowledge that the older sibling serves as a role model for the younger ones. But being the eldest of three siblings came with its own challenges. I felt a deep responsibility to ensure they led a good life—one free from drugs, alcohol, and destructive behavior. However, simply telling them to stay away from these things wasn’t enough. I needed a more effective approach, so I turned to psychology.

Creating an Open and Honest Relationship

The first step was to establish a foundation of trust. Instead of pretending to be the “perfect” older sibling, I chose to be open about my own opinions and lifestyle. This allowed my siblings to feel comfortable opening up about their own struggles and experiences without fear of judgment.

But the real challenge came when my younger brother, who was a teenager at the time, started adopting a risky lifestyle. He began coming home at 3 a.m., often drunk. My parents were worried and called me, fearing he might fall into a destructive cycle. That’s when I decided to apply psychological principles to guide him toward a better path.

The Power of Self-Realization

Rather than lecturing him or outright forbidding his behavior, I used a psychological technique rooted in cognitive dissonance and self-reflection. I told my parents, “Do not tell him to stop. Leave it to me—I will handle it.”

I approached my brother with a suggestion:"Whenever you go out, take a close look at the people around you who do drugs and get excessively drunk. Observe them—not just what they do, but why they do it. I don’t need an answer now. Just watch, learn, and tell me what you discover.”

Understanding the Psychology of Substance Use

A week later, my brother came back with insights that surprised even him. He told me that nearly everyone engaging in reckless behavior had something in common—they were trying to escape a reality they found too difficult to face. Many of them had personal struggles they didn’t know how to cope with, whether it was family issues, low self-esteem, or academic pressure. To feel like they belonged, they engaged in risky behavior to prove they were "cool" and fearless.

This observation aligns with psychological studies on adolescent behavior. Research suggests that teens from underprivileged backgrounds or unstable family environments often engage in substance use as a form of self-medicationor social validation (Hawkins et al., 1992). Additionally, social identity theory (Tajfel & Turner, 1979) explains that young people tend to associate themselves with groups that give them a sense of belonging—even if that group engages in self-destructive behavior.

Reframing the Definition of “Cool”

Once my brother understood the psychological patterns behind risky behavior, I posed a question:

"How can you be the coolest person in school without engaging in self-destructive behavior? What if being truly ‘cool’ meant doing the opposite—building yourself up instead of tearing yourself down?"

That’s when he came up with an idea: he would start a gym group at school.

At first, it was just a small group of friends lifting weights and challenging each other physically. But within months, the group grew into a movement. They became highly competitive gym buddies, and their presence was felt throughout the school. They built a reputation—not for reckless partying, but for discipline, strength, and self-improvement.

Their motto?"We have gym tomorrow. We don’t drink."

Reprogramming Social Norms Through Positive Conditioning

Without even realizing it, my brother and his friends shifted the social dynamic. Instead of seeing the "druggie lifestyle" as rebellious or attractive, students began associating it with weakness and desperation for validation. Meanwhile, the gym group became aspirational.

This approach was based on behavioral conditioning—a principle in psychology that suggests habits and behaviors can be shaped by reinforcing desirable actions (Skinner, 1953). By making fitness and discipline the new standard of social validation, my brother unknowingly rewired the school’s perception of what it meant to be respected and admired.

The Outcome: A New Standard of “Cool”

In just a few years, my brother became one of the most popular students—not because he drank or did drugs, but because he inspired others to chase a healthy, disciplined lifestyle. The school’s entire perspective on "coolness" had changed.

This transformation didn’t happen by force or punishment but through deep psychological conditioning, motivation patterning, and a strategic shift in what was perceived as aspirational behavior.

The biggest lesson I learned?You can’t change someone by forcing them to stop destructive behavior. But if you guide them to question it for themselves, they’ll make the right choice—on their own terms.